My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
