how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
