I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
