Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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