I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
