i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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