Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
