I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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