Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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