Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
