woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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