the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
