My liver just broke up with me...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
