apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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