Cold hands, warm shart.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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