so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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