TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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