Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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