meet me or not, i'm out of control
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
