If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
