The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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