that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
