just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
