my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
