You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
