Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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