and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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