Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
