She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I love having hate sex.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
