so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
