man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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