will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
