Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
