I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
