chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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