The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
