Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
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