i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
