how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
