Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
