def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
