I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
