I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
