you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
