The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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