quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just high enough for therapy.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
