so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
