I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
