Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
