If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Sorry about my life...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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