I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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