she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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