Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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