woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
