I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
