I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
