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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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