everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize