I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
