I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
