Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
