So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize