meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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