Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
