you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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