Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
