this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
