pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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