Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
No subtext here. People are naked.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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