I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
