I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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