Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
