I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
