Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
