i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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