you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
