My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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