My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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