idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
