I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
