So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
