you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
