you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
