bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
