I heard we made out
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
