Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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