You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
