I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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