I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
