Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Boobs speak an international language.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
i think my cat just said my name.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
