i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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