I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
