You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
