I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
