Your face is a jimmy john
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
