i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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