My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
