The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
