Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
