ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
